When me and my ex-bf were together, I used to cringe every time my birthday rolled around. Every single year, he'd try to buy me something I'd like. But let's be real; men are not known for their gift-giving abilities. That Huda Matte LipGloss I wanted? Not the same as the neon glitter lip balm I recieved. And those cute heels from Nordstroms? Yeah… he gave me men's-sized camo sneakers instead. This year I'm celebrating my day as a single woman, which means I'll be getting myself the gifts I actually want. As part of my birthday gift I decided to join SinglesSwag, a subscription box specially curated for single ladies, that will send me the best gifts not just on my birthday but all year round. Every month they send a box of full-sized goodies filled with everything from cute socks or hair ties, to feminist books and snacks. And since SinglesSwag is delivered right to me, my gift to myself will still be a surprise! Before I go off and celebrate with my girlfriends in style, let's memorialize the especially bad gifts I've received over the years, for our collective enjoyment.
Dictionary of Financial Terms
Okay, so I might have mentioned that I wanted to learn more about investing. But that does not mean I wanted a dictionary for my birthday. *insert eye-roll emoji* While this gift might come in handy while I'm doing my taxes someday (thanks, pragmatic ex-boyfriend) birthday gifts should be fun, and maybe even silly. At least with SinglesSwag I know that any books I receive will be written specifically for ambitious, fun women like myself.
Apron Printed With Abs
In my wildest dreams, of course I wake up with the ripped abs of an Instagram model. But a cooking apron with screen-printed six-pack abs was not what I had in mind. (Admittedly, my granny thinks it's hilarious, so I guess that's a bonus). Save yourself the woman-in-the-kitchen jokes this year, and just kick back with some pre-made treats from your SinglesSwag box.
A Hamster
Receiving poor Squeaky as a birthday gift should have been the first sign that our relationship was doomed. As much as I love pets, getting someone an animal as a gift is never a good idea unless you're sure they have the time and love to invest in another creature. These days I've ditched the boyfriend, so Squeaky and I can enjoy all the (inanimate) SinglesSwag goodies ourselves. Cheers to that, eh Squeaky?
Smelly Perfume
Who didn't douse themselves with Britney Spears' Obsession way back in the early -00's? It might have been alluring at the time, but as a grown woman I wouldn't be caught dead smelling like an awkward middle school dance. My ex-boyfriend clearly had fonder memories of the perfume, since he gifted me with not one, but three bottles of the stuff. Yes, we all know Y2K is making a comeback but let's skip the painful odor-induced memories and enjoy the grown-up skin care products in the SinglesSwag boxes. The smell of success and independence is intoxicating.
Nobody deserves to endure the painful wrath that is receiving cringe-worthy gifts (and if you're currently going through this I feel for you). We all deserve better than that and SinglesSwag gets it. So glad I actually signed myself up for this box and put all those years of sad gifts behind me.
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